Hi Miss Dela

My name is Mary and I am 39 years old with a 4 year old little boy. Unfortunately, my marriage ended with a divorce.  About a year ago I met a very nice man and we are now engaged! It seems like we have known each other for years. Everything is great with us and he has found a great balance with me and my son.

The problem is that his family doesn’t want to accept me. I am not comfortable with that! My concern is that he will be affected by his family and he will end our love story.How can I make the family accept me? I  have tried to convince him to present me to his family but he doesn’t want to do it and it make me nervous. What should I do?

Thanks,
Mary

Miss Dela Q:

Has your fiancé explained to you why he does not want to introduce you to his family?  Clearly they are making judgments about you without even meeting you, which is not fair! It is important for you to meet his family because you will be marrying him. I suggest, that you express your feelings to your fiancé on how you feel about him not allowing you to meet his family. Do you plan on having another child?  Is it important for you to have a relationship with his family as well as your children?  These are questions that you need to ask yourself before moving forward.  Always keep in mind the saying “when you marry someone, you marry the entire family”.  Of course that’s not always the case and I hope this is not the case for you.

Relationship Advice Experts

Dear Miss Dela,
I recently turned 30 and feel the pressure to get married.  I have been with my boyfriend for two years now but we have not discussed our future together.  I am happy where I am right now but at the same time I feel like maybe it’s time for my boyfriend and I to take the next step.  What should I do?

Miss Dela Q:

Honestly, if you’re happy where you are and do not feel the need to talk about marriage then don’t bother to bring it up.  There’s always going to be someone that will question you on why you are not married.  The divorce rate is still 1 in 2, What’s the rush! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single at 30.  Nowadays, women are waiting until they are in their late 30’s or early 40’s to get married.  It’s not the 1960’s!. We are in a progressive age where women are more independent than ever.  Times have changed.  Keep enjoying your life and focus on the now.  When you and your boyfriend are ready to tie the knot, you will have that discussion.  For the meantime there’s no need to worry.

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Relationship Experts Online

Dear Miss Dela,

I love my husband very much, been together for 5 years now and he is my best friend.  I like to think that I trust him. I thought I did but he told me something today that made my stomach sink a bit. I really feel like I am overreacting here but I can’t drop this feeling.

My husband has been playing dungeons and dragons and I don’t really have any interest in it.  I am a gamer myself but I would rather play on PC or console.  He told me recently how there is a new girl in the group and she likes to draw zombies and what not. My husband plays games with this group every Friday.  The thing is, how wrong is it for me to worry that this girl may be cooler than me?  Worrying that maybe he will end up spending more time with her because they have more interests. 

I already felt a push in the beginning of the relationship that he would like me to get into board games more.  Should I join the dungeons and dragons group too?  I am very shy and I don’t see the fun in playing a game that involves that much live interaction and thinking. The group he plays with consists mostly of single men with borderline Aspergers. I hate to sit at home every Friday night thinking about how awesome she probably is.

What should I do?  What should I say?  How should I really feel?


Miss Dela Q:

Rather than have these thoughts about your husband potentially developing feelings for a female gamer, it is best to let him know how you feel.  I’m sure when he told you about the new female gamer, it was not his intention to make you feel insecure.  You need to ask yourself, why are you feeling that you cannot trust him? How are you going to feel if more women join playing dungeons and dragons?  You have no control of who will become a player.  Now if your husband is constantly talking about this new female gamer, you may want to ask him if he’s starting to develop feelings.  If he says no yet continues to talk about this female gamer, then you need to investigate and see if there’s more going on.

Since you’ve never played dungeons and dragons, why not give it a try?  You can’t knock something without trying it unless it’s something that may cause harm or put you or someone else in danger.  In this case, trying a new game activity will do no harm to you.  Worst case scenario, you play the game and absolutely hate it!  Don’t force yourself to play something you do not enjoy.  When your husband is playing dungeons and dragons on a Friday night, focus on yourself and do an activity that makes you happy.  There’s no point sitting at home worrying about a female gamer when you know your husband is having a blast playing with the group.  

Online Relationship Advice For Women

Dear Miss Dela,
I feel like I have the worst luck in men.  I know I trust too easily and therefore I end up getting cheated on. What can I do to prevent myself from dating another cheater?

Miss Dela Q:

First thing you have to ask yourself is why do you attract men that cheat?  Secondly, you need  build  trust on the guy you date and vice versa. It’s not good to fully trust a person without them proving to you that they are trustworthy.  I am a firm believer in going with your gut feeling.  If you suspect that your guy is cheating and you have that “gut feeling” something is going on, go with it!.  Of course you want to question him first before accusing him of cheating.  But if you continue to get that unsure feeling that your guy is lying to you, then you need to act upon it.  We as women tend to ignore red flags and tend to make excuses for warning signs.  My suggestion for you, is to no longer ignore the warning signs and abort mission as soon as you feel that something is not right.  Dating is trial and error.  Don’t give up!

Relationship Advice For Women

Dear Miss Dela,
I just wanted some advice on how to handle certain things in a relationship. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years before we split up ( it was a mutual decision) but after a year after we broke up we bumped into each other again, got chatting again and eventually ended up back together. The thing is that this time it’s different. He’s not as loving and caring and affectionate as he used to be. The problem is that I’m the complete opposite, I always show how much I care, always affectionate and would always put him first before anyone… but I’m always surprised and hurt and upset when I don’t get any of it back. So I’m asking for advice of how to deal with the feelings of being hurt, and how to deal with being upset. I know he’s never going to change, and I need to accept that, and I tell myself I’m going to try to accept that but every time something happens that shows we are not on the same level of love it still stings and it still upsets me, even though I’ve told myself not to care or let it bother me

Miss Dela Q

To me it sounds like you may need to end the relationship with your boyfriend. You do not sound happy. You said the following things when describing your relationship: hurt; upset; not as loving and caring; and the love you receive still stings. You pretty much said you feel like he’s not reciprocating the love and affection you give him. So why are still with him? What’s making you hold on? If he’s never going to change, then why are you trying to figure out how you can cope with feeling hurt and upset? There’s no need to settle plus this is not healthy for you. We all know that going through a break up is hard to do but forcing yourself to be in an unhappy relationship will not prevent your heart from breaking. You’re slowly damaging your heart.

If you do decide to continue the relationship with your boyfriend, you may want to consider going to couple’s therapy. You may even want to go to individual therapy to see what the root is of why you are choosing to be in an unhappy relationship. If your boyfriend is resistant to therapy or is not listening to you about how you feel, then it’s time for you to move on!

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