Dear Miss Dela,
I just wanted some advice on how to handle certain things in a relationship. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years before we split up ( it was a mutual decision) but after a year after we broke up we bumped into each other again, got chatting again and eventually ended up back together. The thing is that this time it’s different. He’s not as loving and caring and affectionate as he used to be. The problem is that I’m the complete opposite, I always show how much I care, always affectionate and would always put him first before anyone… but I’m always surprised and hurt and upset when I don’t get any of it back. So I’m asking for advice of how to deal with the feelings of being hurt, and how to deal with being upset. I know he’s never going to change, and I need to accept that, and I tell myself I’m going to try to accept that but every time something happens that shows we are not on the same level of love it still stings and it still upsets me, even though I’ve told myself not to care or let it bother me
To me it sounds like you may need to end the relationship with your boyfriend. You do not sound happy. You said the following things when describing your relationship: hurt; upset; not as loving and caring; and the love you receive still stings. You pretty much said you feel like he’s not reciprocating the love and affection you give him. So why are still with him? What’s making you hold on? If he’s never going to change, then why are you trying to figure out how you can cope with feeling hurt and upset? There’s no need to settle plus this is not healthy for you. We all know that going through a break up is hard to do but forcing yourself to be in an unhappy relationship will not prevent your heart from breaking. You’re slowly damaging your heart.
If you do decide to continue the relationship with your boyfriend, you may want to consider going to couple’s therapy. You may even want to go to individual therapy to see what the root is of why you are choosing to be in an unhappy relationship. If your boyfriend is resistant to therapy or is not listening to you about how you feel, then it’s time for you to move on!