Relationship Experts Online

Dear Miss Dela,

I love my husband very much, been together for 5 years now and he is my best friend.  I like to think that I trust him. I thought I did but he told me something today that made my stomach sink a bit. I really feel like I am overreacting here but I can’t drop this feeling.

My husband has been playing dungeons and dragons and I don’t really have any interest in it.  I am a gamer myself but I would rather play on PC or console.  He told me recently how there is a new girl in the group and she likes to draw zombies and what not. My husband plays games with this group every Friday.  The thing is, how wrong is it for me to worry that this girl may be cooler than me?  Worrying that maybe he will end up spending more time with her because they have more interests. 

I already felt a push in the beginning of the relationship that he would like me to get into board games more.  Should I join the dungeons and dragons group too?  I am very shy and I don’t see the fun in playing a game that involves that much live interaction and thinking. The group he plays with consists mostly of single men with borderline Aspergers. I hate to sit at home every Friday night thinking about how awesome she probably is.

What should I do?  What should I say?  How should I really feel?

Miss Dela Q:

Rather than have these thoughts about your husband potentially developing feelings for a female gamer, it is best to let him know how you feel.  I’m sure when he told you about the new female gamer, it was not his intention to make you feel insecure.  You need to ask yourself, why are you feeling that you cannot trust him? How are you going to feel if more women join playing dungeons and dragons?  You have no control of who will become a player.  Now if your husband is constantly talking about this new female gamer, you may want to ask him if he’s starting to develop feelings.  If he says no yet continues to talk about this female gamer, then you need to investigate and see if there’s more going on.

Since you’ve never played dungeons and dragons, why not give it a try?  You can’t knock something without trying it unless it’s something that may cause harm or put you or someone else in danger.  In this case, trying a new game activity will do no harm to you.  Worst case scenario, you play the game and absolutely hate it!  Don’t force yourself to play something you do not enjoy.  When your husband is playing dungeons and dragons on a Friday night, focus on yourself and do an activity that makes you happy.  There’s no point sitting at home worrying about a female gamer when you know your husband is having a blast playing with the group.  

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