I had been dating this man for nearly 8 months. He’s a lot different from the men I’m use to dating. He doesn’t seem to express himself much at all when it comes to his feeling or emotions which I’m not use to, but he was however super affectionate in his demeanor. He always opened my door for me, he always cuddled me, tucked me in at night, kissed me all over (forehead kisses in bed were my favorite), always held my hand or had to touch me in some way. He never told me he loved me, nor I him. Even though I’m sure I did, I just wasn’t sure if he felt the same and I didn’t want to say it first and look like an idiot. Anyway long story short we ended things just the past Monday because he’s in the navy and about a week prior he told me he’s pretty sure come February he’s going to be transferred to if not a new state a whole other country entirely and he didn’t want to do long distance because he had done it before and promised himself he’d never do it again. I went over to his place and we talked and he said he feels like the only logical thing to do is to breakup. He said he didn’t want to because he felt like it would be a mistake since it’s so hard to find people that really care these days but it just seemed like the thing that needed to be done. But we didn’t break up that night. We decided we’d just wait it out to see what his orders are. Flash forward 3 to 4 days and I started noticing him distancing himself from me. Mainly through text. He’d text me less and when he did he’d leave out any pet names and emojis. Which was just completely unlike him. He’d call me bae and baby like 100 times a day and always send me heart eyed emojis yet. That stopped almost immediately after we had that talk. Yet when I went to his house he’d cuddle me into him, kiss me, hug me, playfully bite me. It was almost like when I was out of sight it was easy for him to turn off his affection for me but when I was physically there he couldn’t help himself. The night before we broke up was no different. He cooked me dinner, we watched netflix and cuddled and he kissed my forehead repeatedly, held my hand etc. But the next day when we were texting I got frustrated by the way his texts seemed so empty that I straight up asked him if he had already decided in his head we were over and he said yes. So I told him we should just end things now instead of prolonging the inevitable..so we did. And my heart is slowly dissolving into my stomach each day that passes. The thing I need advice on is if I should just leave things the way they are or if I should fight harder for us. I feel like a lot of how he acted and why he ended things was a defense mechanism. I feel like he got hurt really bad by his last gf and he’s scared to get hurt like that again. Do you guys think it’s best to just let him go or do you think this can be fixed?
Picture by: Aistė Kančauskaitė
Breaking up is always a difficult experience to go through when in a relationship. It sounds like you both agreed that since he has no idea where he will be stationed that you should end the relationship. By him texting you less than usual as well as with less emoji’s, is him distancing himself from you. You straight up asked him if he made up his mind to end things and he said “YES”. He pretty much gave you an answer but it’s an answer you did not want to hear. Kudos to you for being straightforward in asking rather than putting thoughts in your head of assumptions.
Say you two decide to get back together to see where the relationship goes. Since he is in the Navy, you have to ask yourself are you willing to move to where he is located. He has no idea when he will be back in town yet alone if he will ever come back. If you’re willing to take a risk and move to be with him wherever he is stationed, then you could fight for him.
Always remember, you cannot convince someone to want to be with you.
The feeling of wanting to be with each-other should be MUTUAL.