Dear Miss Dela,
I’ve been feeling very neglected lately.
It’s not that we never see each other, because we do. I’m a stay at home mom and we spend a lot of family time together( we share a 4 yr old son). But, lately, there has been a lack of emotional intimacy. I don’t feel like I am important to him. This is nothing new. This same argument has been going on for the duration of our 5 year relationship. We are great friends and have a great sex life, but the emotional connection isn’t there coming from him. We share a house we picked out 3 yrs ago together, it’s in his name only. I drive a car he bought for me, it’s in his name only. We have a son together who shares his last name. he has a final decision on everything from food to décor to….. really everything. I feel like there is no me in this relationship. And I keep desperately trying to put myself SOMEWHERE in it but he says there is no reason to put my name on anything because my credit isn’t as great as his is and he makes it into a money thing, but I quit my good paying job because he didn’t want our son in daycare. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if this makes any sense. I try to talk to him about it and all he does is say, “sorry I upset you.”. I am really to the point that I want to just get a job and move out. I love this man but it’s killing me to know he doesn’t want to marry me or have me legally apart of his life in anyway. We are more like room mates than anything else at this point anyway. I would rather leave now and stay friends.
It sounds like you feel that you have lost your sense of self. If so, you can gain it back!
What is your boyfriend’s reason for not wanting to marry you? If your significant other has no desire to get married and you want to get married, then it may be time to move on. Of course this isn’t an easy decision because you have a child with him and you love him. But at the same time if you are unhappy with your life, why continue to stay in the relationship? I suggest seeking couple’s counseling because you both have a son that is connected to the both of you for life. Now, if you see that couple’s counseling is not helping the relationship, then you may want to consider breaking up.
If you want to go back to work then go for it! At least if you work, you will have your own money. Therefore you will no longer have to worry about not financially contributing to the relationship. You can also work on rebuilding your credit. Just because you have bad credit doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. Once you have fair to good credit then you can go purchase your OWN car in your OWN name.
It’s best to take charge of your life rather than feel helpless. You have to believe that you can change your situation. It will be a challenging experience but at the end you will see the results.