So, my boyfriend of one year has files of his ex-girlfriends on his computer of a sexual nature. I looked through his computer (horrible I know) and I confessed right away. I have had horrible relationships in the past and it’s hard for me to trust. I know he isn’t cheating but these files bother me. He is also still in contact with some of these women. I don’t believe anything is going on but again I’m not the most comfortable with it. He says I can’t control who he has in his life. And I guess I can’t control what he masturbates to either, right? Porn is one thing but it’s the emotional connection, I guess. I know this sounds bad from both of our standpoints but otherwise we have a healthy relationship. Thoughts?.
ANSWER:
I’ve always believed that snooping through a partner’s belongings can lead to finding things we may not like. If I discovered my boyfriend was masturbating to explicit pictures of his ex-girlfriends, I would have a HUGE problem and be incredibly upset! While casual dating might be more lenient, in an exclusive relationship, this behavior is not acceptable.
If I were in your shoes, I would have a serious talk with him and let him know that keeping those pictures is inappropriate and disrespectful to our relationship. It’s not controlling to express discomfort about such a situation. Communication is vital, and he needs to understand how his actions are affecting you.
While you say the relationship is healthy overall, this particular aspect is a significant concern. In the end, it’s up to you to decide whether you can accept his behavior or if it’s a dealbreaker for you. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who prioritizes your feelings and respects the boundaries of your relationship.