I’ve been with my partner for four years now, and we have a great relationship. We live together and are planning to stay together for life. When we got together, we both were living apart, and we planned to motivate each other to lose weight. We both lost a lot of weight, me through lifestyle changes and him with a keto-diet. However, after we moved in and became more permanent, he quickly let go of his diet. He stopped keto but kept up at the gym until Covid-19 began. Over the last year and a half (almost two), he has gained back the 50 pounds he lost, and some more. It’s not healthy for him, and I found out he’s been lying to me about his food. I make him dinner and he takes the leftovers to eat for lunch at work. I found out he’s been giving the food I make to other people and ordering take-out. Or sometimes he buys take-out twice or he eats mega-snacks in between. I know this because he works with friends and their partners are my friends, and they told me. I don’t know what to do. He is already a diabetic (from before our relationship) and has other health problems correlated to his weight. I don’t know how to motivate him anymore nor do I know how to stop his lying. I’ve talked to him about it before, and he said he’ll stop lying to me. To know he’s still lying really hurts me. I want to stick with him through the long-haul, but I’m so scared sometimes I’m going to lose him early in life because of these health problems. Do you have any advice?
I strongly believe in the saying, “You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.” While you care deeply for your boyfriend, there’s only so much you can do to support him with his diet. Keto and any diet can be challenging, and there might be underlying reasons why he fell off the wagon. Stress or life events can impact his commitment to the diet. Food can serve as a coping mechanism, and he might be hiding his meals out of shame, knowing you would be disappointed.
It must be tough to see someone you love neglecting their health, but remember that you can’t force someone to change. The best thing you can do is continue encouraging him to live a healthy lifestyle and be a supportive partner. Let him know that you’re there for him and that you care about his well-being. Ultimately, he has to make the decision to prioritize his health, and you can be there to support him through that journey.